and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
