You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
