Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Gay?
German.
Pity.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
