I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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