She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
