I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
