If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
