Are we in a gay sports bar?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
