Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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