The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
