Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
