We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Randomize
