That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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