phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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