I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
