Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
