Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
