ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
