last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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