i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just want to make out with him forever
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
