so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I hope mine doesn't look like that
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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