The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
