You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
youre lurking in front of me
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
