Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
