There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
