A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
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