I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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