Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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