I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
