I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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