i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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