Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
