I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
