Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
