i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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