I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
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I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
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She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
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