Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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