The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
