i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
