I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
