hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
