she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I love having hate sex.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
