I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
being pregnant is like rehab
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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