We won't sleep together?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
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