I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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