I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
