Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
