your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
