As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
My feet surprised me
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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