Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
