i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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