Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
