Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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