All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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