Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
