Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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