i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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