I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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