Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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