Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
