i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
